“Leave some energy to yourself too, darling”

Do any of my beautiful ladies recognise themselves from this title? Do any of the women who love too much recognise themselves from this post? If you answer yes after reading the whole thing, that means you’re healing and shifting. 

Taking your energy out from a relationship to focus on your things while still being in a relationship is my new norm. It may not make sense what I just said, I know. It’s so important to have our own space even when we are in a relationship. 

In the end of my previous commitment I was so lost that one day I found myself standing in front of a mirror, touching my skin and not feeling it. Tears were rolling down my face, big sadness and the feeling that I wasted my time doing the wrong thing, overwhelmed me. I was so numb and out of my body. My body and spirit were literally separated. 

I love taking responsibility for things that happen in my life. I love weird things. I also love sitting in pain, so there’s that… I truly love seeing my own mistakes and not blaming other people. Sometimes my ego thinks otherwise but the minute I catch it, I center myself and realise how beautiful it is to experience and learn. I’m now manifesting experiences that are kinder. I recommend you do that too. At the end of the day we are the creators of our reality and our experiences. 

I felt like I was reborn again after breaking up from my last relationship. I knew that the journey of coming back home to myself was going to take time and a little bit of effort. The first thing that life threw at me was bellydance. For as long as I remember I’ve always been into Middle Eastern music and culture. I fell in love with dancing and moving my body again.

The one reason why I wanted to try this was to bring out and connect with my feminine side. After being more on the masculine side, it was mind blowing and even a little uncomfortable at first to see myself in front of the mirror dancing because my body and mind were not used to seeing me do feminine things. But in the end I was like a fish in the sea. I still have my belly dance scarf with me wherever I go in the world and I use it every time I feel wild, sensual and ready to get lost in music and movement.

It’s not easy for the women who love too much to prioritise themselves in a relationship. I also wrote a blogpost about women who love too much. Click here to read, if you haven’t yet. 

But today I wanted to celebrate all the women who, regardless of having a partner in their life, are also able to thrive and focus on their own personal success. If you understand energy, it’s easy. For example if you are giving all your focus and energy to another person, you naturally have nothing left for yourself. It’s like when you make tea and give it all away to someone else before taking some for you, there’s nothing left to drink. That’s when the internal conflict happens. How long could you continue like this? 

Call me selfish but over the years I’ve learned that being a bit selfish is a necessary thing. You have to take care of yourself first. You have to fill your cup until it starts over pouring. Only then can you help and share with others.

I’m feeling deep gratitude for the last few years. They were great lessons on how to love myself and put myself first, no matter what. Even the smallest things. By the way, everytime I do something in life for someone else, meaning I change my original plans just to please others, life kicks me in the butt – hard! Only because it’s one of my lessons that I need to learn.

One day I just made a decision that I let go of control and the need to hold everything and everyone in my life and said to myself: “Leave some energy to yourself too, darling”. Even when my knees are slightly shaking, I will always do me, and the people who are meant to come and stay in my life, will do so. The door is always open when something is not aligned. It feels free, dangerously free.

Freedom has always been my motto in this life. Let me rephrase – it has always been my spirit’s motto. If I don’t feel free, I go somewhere where I do. It can also be an internal adventure. The internal state will reflect your external world, so if you don’t find peace and freedom inside of you, you will never find it outside of yourself, no matter how much you travel.

Disconnecting from oneself is a slow death. At least it feels like it. It did for me. I thought I’m going to die. Physically. We can either go very deep with it or just understand that no matter what is going on in our lives, we always have to stay connected with ourselves, so we wouldn’t have to find that we came so far from home at one point, and don’t know the way back.

It normally hurt me in the past when I chose myself instead of others or my partner and knowing now that it is ultimately the only right thing to do, is what is guiding me forward. My relationship with myself has to be healthy. Especially as a highly sensitive person I have to take extra care of myself. Stepping into that recognition is so important.

You come into this world alone and you leave this world alone. Ultimately, focus on yourself and the people of the same frequency level naturally gravitate to you and mirror your present state and growth back to you. Sometimes you continue the journey alone, sometimes you vibrate on the same frequency with someone for some time and you can call them your partner in life. 

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Thanks for reading,

I love you.

Gerda Carina

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